


What Is This?

by paradisewaiting



Series: Breakdown [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Cuddling, Dogs, Eren is very patient, I Don't Even Know, I needed to write angst, Jeeps, M/M, More sleepovers, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Some sort of AU, Stuff, Tags Are Hard, There will be smut in the next one, This one's..., mild stalking?, much fluff, not really - Freeform, okay, panic disorder, things, trust building, yess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:16:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3134162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisewaiting/pseuds/paradisewaiting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been over a week since Levi had last seen Eren. He was downtown for his weekly appointment, just blocks away from Eren’s work. He couldn’t help himself, he was too close. He drove by the vet clinic, saw Eren’s car, saw a flash of dark brown hair from behind the front desk through the window. He circled around and parked behind a truck in the lot. He could see Eren from where he was and he watched. What he seen upset him and he wasn’t sure exactly why. Although Eren was full of smiles when customers came and left, when he was alone he looked sad. Levi furrowed his brow and pulled out of the parking lot, heading home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is This?

**Author's Note:**

> We're getting there people. Soon. Soon the promised smut will rear it's head. And then you'll all be disappointed with me because I haven't written smut in what feels like ages lol. Anyway. It's late (surprise) and I haven't proofread this is at all (surprise again!) I'll see what I can do about that in the morning sometime.

                The next day the two slept late, still tangled up in each other. Eren had woken up to find Levi cleaning, he thought it was odd but dismissed it. Levi left shortly after to go home. Neither one of them spoke of what Levi had said the night before. Levi remembered everything.

                It had been over a week since Levi had last seen Eren. He was downtown for his weekly appointment, just blocks away from Eren’s work. He couldn’t help himself, he was too close. He drove by the vet clinic, saw Eren’s car, saw a flash of dark brown hair from behind the front desk through the window. He circled around and parked behind a truck in the lot. He could see Eren from where he was and he watched. What he seen upset him and he wasn’t sure exactly why. Although Eren was full of smiles when customers came and left, when he was alone he looked sad and broken. Levi furrowed his brow and pulled out of the parking lot, heading home.

                It had been ages since Levi had used the gym in his house. Well, to call it a gym was a bit of a stretch. It was really just a treadmill and a couple different press machines in one of the spare rooms. He had been in there for hours today after he got home, trying to get what he had seen out of his head; he didn’t like that Eren looked sad when no one was watching. He stepped off the treadmill, out of breath and sweating and sat on the floor, staring at his phone. He wanted to text Eren, but he didn’t know what to say.

                He got up and wandered around the second floor of his house, slightly restless. He found himself standing in the doorway of the library, staring at the black piano across the room. He longed to hear the room filled with music again. He sighed and went back downstairs to shower. Afterwards he flopped onto his bed, still restless.

                Levi had driven around the block four times before he stopped a few buildings down from Eren’s apartment building. He had seen Eren’s car in the parking lot so he knew he was home. What the hell was he doing here? Impulse had led him here and now that he was here he wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do. He stared at the building for a while before he got out of the Jeep and walked up to the door. There was only one buzzer button with the first initial E and it was E. Jaeger. But he didn’t have the guts to push it, his hands were sweating and he was on the brink of a panic attack so he turned, made to leave, didn’t see the mop of messy brown hair walk around from the back of the building. “Levi?” He froze but didn’t turn around. “What are you doing here?” He continued walking, like if he ignored Eren he could pretend he wasn’t actually there. “Levi.” Eren grabbed his arm and forced him around. “You can’t just run away from everything.” He was close, too close, to Eren, who was gently holding both of his arms. “Tell me why you’re here…please” Levi avoided those pleading eyes that were staring down at him. “I don’t know.” He said quietly.  
“I don’t believe that.”  
“I knew you wouldn’t.” Levi kept his head down, never looking at Eren. “I just…”  ‘just spit it out already’ He knew what he had to say, he just didn’t know how.  
“I was downtown today.”  
“Okay…”  
“At my shrink’s.”  
“What does that have to do with this?”  
“I saw you.”  
“What?”  
“Can we go inside?” Levi looked around anxiously; the tip of his nose and his ears were red from the cold. Eren sighed heavily. “Yeah, come on.” He released Levi and turned back toward the apartment building. He could make it. He could turn and run right now and make it back to jeep. Be gone before Eren could stop him again. But Eren had his cell phone number now and knew where he lived. Levi knew he couldn’t avoid him for long so he followed him up the stairs to his apartment.

                Levi was curled into the corner of the couch holding onto a mug of coffee Eren had given him but not drinking it. “Can you please explain to me what’s going on Levi?” Eren was staring into his own mug of coffee. “You look sad when you think no one can see you.” Levi said simply. Eren looked at him startled but Levi’s gaze was on his own hands. “What?” He said for a second time. Levi remained silent, his heart rate was through the roof and his hands were sweating. He set his mug down and promptly started fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. “Levi…” Eren set his mug down and shifted to sit beside Levi. He huffed a sigh, like he was trying to form the words out of his breath. “That night you came over for drinks-“ He was cut off. “I remember what I said” Levi was glaring at him again. Eren’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“Why didn’t you?” Anger was written all over Levi’s face. Anger and frustration. He didn’t understand why he felt the way he did, or what he felt at all for that matter. He just knew he didn’t like seeing Eren looking sad, like he had at the clinic. “I thought you were drunk.”  
“I was.”  
“Okay, you have to see where I’m coming from here, people say thing’s they don’t mean all the time when they’re drunk.”  
Levi was so frustrated, so angry and so scared. His heart raced and his chest hurt, he could feel his throat closing against his will. “No…” He whimpered before his vision swam. ‘Way to freak out.’ The fact that he was at Eren’s house and having a panic attack only made it worse. He hugged his knees to his chest. Kingston started barking. Eren’s eyes went wide. “Shit, Levi. Hey, Levi it’s okay.” Eren was at a loss, he had read a little bit about panic attacks, but he had no idea what would calm down the man across from him. ‘Think Eren’ He quickly sloughed off his zip up and wrapped it around Levi, covering his head that was tucked in the process and gently pulled Levi’s hand free from where it gripped at his leg and pushed his thumbs into it, like he had at the café. “Levi, hey, I’m here okay? Do you need anything?” Levi remained silent, Eren couldn’t hear him breathing, couldn’t see his back moving with breaths. “I need you to breathe Levi.” Eren continued to knead the palm of Levi’s hand. “It’s just me and you here, Levi, we’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen here.” Levi peeked out from under the zip up, his eyes scanning the room frantically. Eren stooped to place himself in Levi’s line of sight. Levi froze, immobilized by the vivid green staring back at him. “Hey…you okay?” Levi gave a little nod; at least he could breathe again. He still couldn’t understand himself, but…when could he ever? “Do you need anything? Water maybe?” Levi nodded again. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” All Levi could smell was Eren because of the sweater wrapped around him, he didn’t mind though. He barely moved as he slid into the knitted zip up that had been place over him, pulling the collar up and around his face. He heard Eren returning from the kitchen and brought his knees back up from where they had fallen. Eren sat down beside him and handed him the glass of water. “No chugging it this time.” He smiled. Eren noticed Levi was wearing his sweater now. He also noticed how tense Levi still looked, he might be responsive now but he still hadn’t spoken, still hadn’t moved except to put the sweater on. Eren exhaled deeply and put his arm up on the back of the couch, he tried to think of something to do to help the older man relax but was cut off when he felt Levi’s head on his chest. To call it cuddling wouldn’t be exactly right, more like listening.  Levi was barely touching him save the side of his head that was pressed against his chest and his shoulder brushing Eren’s side. Eren wasn’t sure what to do so he sat and watched a moment, steadying his breath and willing his heart to return to a normal pace.

                “Thank you.” Eren finally heard from below him as he felt the pressure on his chest lessen. Levi sat up, finally feeling normal again, or, as close to normal as he got these days. He let his knees drop and held the half empty glass of water in front of him. “Hey, there you are.” Eren smiled, Levi remained silent. “Is there something you need?” Levi shook his head; he didn’t _need_ anything right now. “You look like there’s something though…is there something you want?” Levi nodded. “Whatever you want.” Eren looked at him with interest. Levi slowly moved forward and raised Eren’s arm, placing it over his shoulders and letting his head rest on Eren’s shoulder. “Oh…” Eren looked down at Levi, who was avoiding his eyes. Eren smiled and chuckled and pulled Levi closer. Levi revelled in the warmth of Eren’s closeness, inhaled his scent. He felt safer this way, under Eren’s arm. “You wanna watch a movie? I have Netflix.” Levi just nodded. He didn’t care, as long as he got to stay like this.

                They watched The Piano that night upon Eren’s suggestion since Levi had enjoyed the piece he had played. Levi cringed when Ada’s finger was cut off, he couldn’t watch when she was pulled out of the boat by the piano at the end, but he didn’t hate the movie. Eren had been right; the music written for it was beautiful. A thought occurred to Levi after the movie was over. He turned to Eren and signed ‘Do you know how to sign?’ Eren blinked at him a moment. “I have no idea what you just said. I hope it wasn’t an insult.” Levi exhaled, the tiniest of smiles on his face. “I just asked if you knew how to sign, clearly you don’t.”  
“I do not, Armin does though. Why do you know how to sign?”  
Levi curled in on himself a bit. “I…had family who was deaf.”  
“Oh.” Eren noted the use of ‘had’ and decided not to push it any further; Levi would have told him more if he had wanted to. “Can I ask what you did before…” Eren didn’t know how to word it, you can’t just say ‘before whatever caused your PTSD’.  
“Before the accident?” That’s it.  
“Yeah. You don’t have to-“ Eren was cut off.  
“I was a lawyer.” Eren had issues picturing Levi in a suit and tie, but if he left that aside he could definitely picture him in a court room, he would’ve been a force to be reckoned with.  
“I bet you were good at it.”  
“I was.”  
“And now?”  
“I’m on leave. Permanently. I can’t work. It was a stressful job to begin with.”  
“Yeah, I guess hey.” Levi yawned and stretched. “You tired?” Levi nodded, he was exhausted actually. “Are you staying? It’s pretty late and you look really tired.” Levi nodded and stood up, wrapping Eren’s sweater around him tighter as he walked to Eren’s room. Eren watched him from the couch. “Well alright then…” He mumbled to himself and pushed himself up. He clicked off the tv and all the lights before heading to his room to find Levi already curled up in bed. His heart raced as he took in the sight before him. That beautiful and terrified man was wearing nothing but his briefs, a blanket barely pulled over himself, eye’s already closing. Eren wasn’t prepared for that and halted a few steps into his room. He stood for a few minutes, just watching him doze restlessly in his bed, his pale skin almost white in the dull city light coming through the window. He groaned quietly and slipped out of his own clothes and into his bed next to Levi, who almost immediately rolled into Eren, slinging an arm across his torso, his head finding his shoulder. Whatever this was Eren didn’t think he minded, Levi seemed to, at least, be trusting him more. If he had to work at this, he would, he knew it was worth it. Knew this terrified and scarred man next to him was worth the effort.

**Author's Note:**

> Eren is so patient.


End file.
